Youth of two truths

Growing up In Queens, in the 70's. I was protected by a blanket of love provided by both my mother and my grandmother. There was pride, and there was the fear of the outside world turning me into something less than their love allowed me to be.

During this time, there were many ugly realities, racism, drugs, teen pregnancy, unemployment etc. While growing up in Springfield Gardens just outside of Rochdale Village all I knew, fortunately, was my grandmothers back yard.

Green grass and many fruit trees - we had a cherry tree, crab and granny apple trees, a fig tree, and what I thought was a vast back yard. This was where I spent time looking under rocks at the lives of animals and creatures going about their business and gave me an understanding of what god provides for us all down to the smallest of his creatures... How we use what he provides - that defines our happiness...

This is what I understood too, that the world was a strange and unkind place. I
I was introduced to the world by the wisdom of my teen mom and the circles she traveled.. The punks thugs and victims were everywhere when we walked the streets... first in Springfield Gardens, then in Far Rockaway, but that story will come later.

Suffice to say today I understand another truth. That what god provides to us, and what we desire for ourselves are two different things. God gives us needs and bounty to satisfy. We give ourselves boundaries, desires, limits and wants that often have little or no benifit to our lives. The more we want, seek and desire the less our needs are being met.

How can one starve and be hungry for only photos of food?
How can one be sad and not seek joy but betrayal in happiness?
How can one be thirsty and seek only to drink sea water?
How can one leave pain only to return to it - in stead of embrassing the pleasure of honest love?
How can one be lonely and chase away those who only want to be close?

In my youth I didn't understand it.
In my maturity I'm confused by it.

In love - I did it

I guess all things come full circle, if you live long enough...