a Friend can feel your woe-
and one sent me this:
( thank you shayde )
her words =>
I know what you mean about the loneliness.
Here's a blog from last week:
You Can’t Always Get a Pony and an Ice Cream Sundae
The lesson that I’ve been working with all week. I understood the lesson, only there was one problem…
I really w-a-n-t-e-d a pony and an ice cream sundae, which led to a wicked case of The Cooties.
I came down with The Cooties a few days ago and I’m writing this in hopes of an ailment.
In case you’re wondering what The Cooties are let me explain.
People who have The Cooties have a fucked up attitude problem, and they KNOW that they’re the ones with the problem, only they can’t shake the chip on their ever growing hunchback-like shoulder.
It's usually caused by stress, working too hard and the repercussions of not staying in tuned with themselves. Going so long and then finally screaming, "ENOUGH!!!!! I need I need I neED InEeD i nEED!!!"
And what transpires is an overdose of self-indulgence, sarcasm and unfocused anger.
When a person with The Cooties needs to apologize it will look something like this:
“Okay, I forgive you already….”
“Dude…you can’t be mad at me forever, it’s bad for your health….come on now…”
And then I got a visit from the Bad Advice Bears as I was leaving work yesterday. For those of you who have seen Avenue Q you will immediately understand and can fast forward to where it says HERE:
For everyone else The Bad Advice Bears are as cute as buttons, they look like the Care Bears, the female wears pearls around her neck. They have very happy, high-pitched voices and they give really bad advice.
HERE: So there I am walking out of work…
*poof*
Bad Advice Bear #1: “Wow….it sure is dark outside….why don’t you skip school tonight?”
Bad Advice Bear #2: “Yeah, you’ve been under a lot of StrEsS lately…why don’t you just kick back and open a bottle of wine? YYYYYYEEEEAAAHHHH!!!”
Shayde: “Guys, cut it out I really have to get to school.”
Bad Advice Bear #1: “Okay…….”
Bad Advice Bear #2: “Have it your way…..”
(still floating around my head as I try to ignore their magnetic onyx button eyes)
Bad Advice Bear #2: “Well, you could go shopping for stripey socks first and get a fresh box of cRaYonS and THEN open a bottle of wine, YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHH!!!!”
Bad Advice Bear #1:”YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!”
Shayde: “It is cold outside…”
So there I am in my car with The Cooties and bad ideas running through my head. Now, here’s a question, why is it when you have the cooties everyone seems to be able to smell the stench from miles away? I called a few friends and the cootie odor sent me straight to voicemail.
“Okay…yeah I can see how I deserve voicemail….but FINE! I don’t need you. I DON’T NEED ANYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” This is one of the major problems with The Cooties. You need extra love and someone to tell you that you’re alright but you’re foaming at the mouth and ready to bite at whoever’s the closest to you. When you have The Cooties you’re stuck with yourself and your attitude. I knew this was a bad case because I didn’t even want to hang out with myself.
I did manage to get a hold of some friends that were immune to my cooties. The ~legendary~ Brian Mazo himself . I told him that he had to move back to Los Angeles. I still don't know how he manages to blink away my threats. And I got my Brudder on the phone. His advice sounds something like this:
“Yeah well, ya know…..sometimes ya just gotta have The Cooties. Lay low for awhile and let them work it out.”
I thought of my options:
Option#1: Get drunk, pass out, and forget who I am for a few hours….
But that won’t work because I’ll only wake up to myself having to go to work and still with the cooties plus a hangover
Option#2: Meditate and ritualize the ickies away
Yeah yeah I burned some Godamn sage and candles, went over my gratitude list and listened to Dead Can Dance but I didn’t see no ponies or ice cream sundaes floating my way
Option #3: Just be a tree. Shut the fuck up for a little while, hang out with my skanky self and try to work it out with some crayons, paint, journal pages and wine I went for number 3.
Feeling better this morning.
A song that I really like is on the radio. The cooties are melting away…..
I think I might just hitch a ride to pistachio and butterscotch horizons on a Shetland pony.
